Thursday, 14 December 2006

The Man Manager

TONIGHT we talked about software programmes. I was asked: "If you had the ability to invent any software programme, what would it do?"
I suggested that The Man Manager would be a surefire best-seller. Download it onto his iPOD and he, as if by magic:
  • learns that beer is not one of the major food groups;
  • learns how to put up shelves that don't immediately fall down;
  • picks up damp towels in the bathroom instead of leaving them on the floor in a smelly mess;
  • washes up without moaning for the previous two hours;
  • knows the correct response to "Do I look fat in this?" i.e. "You could wear a sack and still look absolutely beautiful.";
  • has the ability to drink fizzy drinks without belching;
  • develops an aversion to busty young blondes and ability to pass one without muttering under his breath, "You don't get many of those to a pound.";
  • develops a passion for dumpy, middle-aged women;
  • has the ability to forget every football statistic that currently crams what passes for a brain and instead remembers just ONE - his partner's birthday.

Oh, the list is endless.I suppose a Woman Manager is a possibility, but it just wouldn't have enough to do.

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