Monday, 25 July 2011
Botox For Beginners
I WAS reading that Botox may soon be available on the NHS. I was thinking about the mountain of Botox it would take to freeze all my wrinkles into submission - and the moral dilemma of costing the NHS so much money (my wrinkles v heart operation for small child, not much of a contest really) when I realised the Botox was being touted as a cure for migraine.
Oh good, that’s one moral dilemma no longer giving me a headache.
Anyway, is Botox – or any plastic surgery for cosmetic purposes - such a good idea? There’s a whole army of actresses of a certain age with wide eyes, pouting lips and a permanently surprised expression who look like they’ve been poked in the ass with a pointy stick.
When I was a teenager I was desperate to look like Cher (yes, that's her pictured above), now I'm desperate not to. I'm sure there's still a beautiful woman in there somewhere but all that plastic surgery has turned her into a caricature of her former self. Her skin is so stretched that I swear the wind changed while she was being subjected to massive G-force and she's stayed that way. Didn’t her mother ever warn her?
Don’t even get me started on ‘trout pout’ lips. Throw most celebs at a wall and they’ll stick there.
In fact it’s now so bad that A-list stars like Meg Ryan and Nicole Kidman are finding it difficult to land roles because they are unable to express emotion. Martin Scorsese has complained that there aren’t any actresses over 35 who can ‘do anger’.
In this strange world they live in, celebrities have the idea that no wrinkles plus big lips equals youthfulness. No, you don’t look younger; you look like a weird waxwork dummy, admittedly with no wrinkles and big lips.
One way of plumping up the lips is take fat cells from the buttocks and inject them into the lips. Kiss my ass. Literally.
They don’t seem to realise that they’ve all begun to look the same. Tiny bodies, expressionless faces, big lips, BIG hair and clothes that are too revealing for a nubile 19-year-old – and that’s just Sylvester Stallone and Mickey Rourke (ho, ho).
Soon the only way to find the real age of a celeb whose face has been frozen in time will be by carbon-dating. It’s enough to make you cry – without moving your face, of course.