Thursday, 21 April 2016

R is for Rants


A to Z Challenge


THE dearly beloved is not known for his reticence.  He's pretty laid back and easy to live with on the whole but there is a long list of things that make him cross, from politics to personalities and football to fashion (please don't mention ripped jeans within his hearing).  Modern life in general tends to enrage him and he is not backward in coming forward, as my mother would say.

It's best not to be in the same room when he's doing battle with his laptop. We live in a rural area and high speed broadband is but a distant dream - and patient he is not. And it's best not to be in the same county when he's reading the Sunday papers.

This Sunday he was reading about the national debt.

"Bloody hell! Here we are sitting on a trillion pound debt and the bloody government tinkers around the edges, fiddling with this and that - and it's all so complicated it must take another trillion pounds to administer it. They are like effing school governors trying to run a tuck shop (I didn't dare tell him that school tuck shops probably only exist at Hogwarts these days).

Then there was the rant about a gambling website. Every Saturday he spends the grand total of £2 on something called the Scoop6. It's a bit like a lottery. You have to get all six winners in six selected races - practically impossible but it's a lot of money if you win. He always logs on expectantly every Saturday afternoon thinking that the six nags he has chosen have all romped home ahead of the field. Sadly, two hours after the races are over, a significant proportion of them are still running.

This Saturday he was up early to pick out his horses. He logged on to the site and the rants began. It seems he was a bit early and not everything had yet been posted. "Oh no, they can't get it all done before 8am - too much effing trouble for them," was the only comment fit repeating for my readers of a delicate disposition.

When the information did finally arrive, it was not arranged to his liking. Cue another rant. "Is it too much to effing ask that all the races are laid out side by side with the form beside each horse so you can actually see what is effing going on?" In the end he got in the car, drove to the shop and came home with a newspaper where everything is organised the way he likes it.

The news that the Government was putting tax on sugar in a bid to cut down on childhood obesity caused another rant. "Why should I pay tax on Coke just because there's some stupid woman up the road drip-feeding it to her kids?"

I wrote about more of his rants in a previous post called Three Rants In Three Minutes . Have visit if you want to know his views on ripped jeans, football and payday loans.

Here's a rant that made me laugh but there are two things you should know before pressing "play". A - it's a spoof. He's not a real television reporter; and B - if you don't like bad language you won't like this!



I have another blog in the A to Z Challenge called That's Purrfect.




11 comments:

Tamara Narayan said...

Okay, then! Someone needs to hire this guy. Then I might actually watch the news again. That was fun.

Gorilla Bananas said...

You'd better warn him that ranting is bad for the health, unless you're a bull elephant that can blow all the pent-up anger out of its trunk.

Al Penwasser said...

The video was quite funny. Too bad it was a spoof. How refreshing would it be to see someone actually do this?

Kathleen Valentine said...

It's a bit difficult not to rant these days. I'm so sick of politics!!!

@Kathleen01930
Meet My Imaginary Friends
#AtoZchallenge

Tami Von Zalez said...

Wish they told the news like that guy!

Em-Musing said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog. And ranting can be healthy if not overdone

Darla M Sands said...

You have a wonderful skill at making me laugh. Thank you.
Awakening Dreams and Conquering Nightmares with a Pen
Happy blogging!

Josie Two Shoes said...

Too funny! I hate to admit it, but I am probably more like him. I tend to grumble easy at the way things are today, while my husband is more mild-mannered... and not as prone to getting ulcers over things we can't control! ;-)
Josie Two Shoes
from Josie's Journal

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Can't he read the news every night ? After he's written the morning paper ...

Jeffrey Scott said...

I love rants. It's one of the features on my blog.
This was some fun reading. If you don't mind me saying. :)

John Holton said...

I think I'd like your husband.

The rant by your newsman is almost John Cleese-esque