Saturday, 30 April 2016

Z is for Zapper

A to Z Challenge



Here is a picture of a man holding a remote control.
Unfortunately, it's not my man.


The zapper in my house is the remote control for the television. When the dearly beloved is out in the pub regaling anyone who will listen with his views on every subject from aardvarks to  zyzzyva (destructive weevils), I decide what I am going to watch on TV, switch to the channel and leave the zapper close at hand.

When the DB is in charge of the zapper (i.e. whenever he is in the house) it is welded to his hand and he's zipping through the channels faster than a texting teenager on speed.

My head spins as before my very eyes whooshes two seconds each of the news, Coronation Street, a tennis match, Friends, Criminal Minds, a National Geographic programme about lemurs, something about Hitler, Goodfellas…ah, stop. Goodfellas is his favourite film so he watches this for ten minutes, mouthing the words with the actors as he knows it so well. I go and do something different. I know what Joe Pesci is going to do to that poor man and I don't want to see it again.

I rarely see the beginning of a programme because he's so busy zapping about that we miss it. And heaven forbid we should ever see an advert. Come the commercial break and he's off again, as if viewing a two-minute ad extolling the virtues of cornflakes is going to make him go blind.

Sometimes he's on his laptop and the TV is just background noise. There might be something on that I want to watch so I ask him nicely, "Can you pass the zapper, please?"

He looks up, fear in his eyes. "Why? What?"

I tell him I want to watch a different programme. 

"What is it? What channel is it on?

I tell him, "It's OK. I can change the channel if you give me the zapper."

By now he's starting to sweat and grips the zapper until his knuckles go white. "Tell me the channel and I'll do it for you."

In all relationships you must pick your battles and I decide this one is not worth the fight so I tell him what he wants to know. He switches over for me, the sweat beginning to dry on his brow and the twitches calming down.

Sometimes I wish you could zap people.....


  • So that's it for the A to Z Challenge. I have learned that there is an awful lot of good writing in blogs and that I can be self-disciplined enough to post more frequently than I have in the past. I hope, too, that I have made connections with other bloggers that will last for a very long time. See you later in the blogosphere!





21 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

He's more attached to that remote control than his dick. I wish I could buy the man in the picture and give him to you as a house slave, Mrs Table. The thought of him as your house slave gives me so much pleasure! :)

pilch92 15andmeowing said...

I would take a battery out of it.

Kathleen Valentine said...

Since I don't have a television, I miss so much. ;) Thanks for playing. I enjoyed it so much.

@Kathleen01930
Meet My Imaginary Friends
#AtoZchallenge

Tami Von Zalez said...

Once the changer gets into the Mr's hands, no choices for me!
Gave you a shout on on my Z post -
http://thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com/2016/04/zipping-things-up-for-atoz-challenge.html

rachel said...

Now, just substitute lighting the wood burner for a zapper, and you have much the same scenario. And to think that before I met The Gardener, I could light fires all by myself!!

Darla M Sands said...

Ooh. I wish my "zapper wielder" looked as hot as the guy in the photo. :) Awesome blogs, my dear. You have given me so many grins. Best wishes!

Cherdo said...

Get the control where you can, lol.

Jo said...

I have enjoyed this series of blogs, thanks Patricia. Luckily I don't care that much about TV so Matt can watch what he wants most of the time

Birgit said...

.in afraid I'm the remote nut in our household. I break out in a cold sweat if he has the remote. I really do hate it

live and learn said...

Interesting the way the same words are adapted for different things. When I zap something, I microwave it.

Congrats on completing TWO blogs during the A-Z challenge.

Random Musings said...

Such a familiar scene! What is it with men and remote controls?!
Debbie

Tamara Narayan said...

OMG, this sounds exactly like my dad and my daughter. Control junkies! These days I only watch TV after my kids and husband are in bed. Nobody in my house is allowed or wants to watch the shows I like.

diedre Knight said...

Ha! I don't even think about it when he's home. It's all wooly worms and barrel-rolls. Unless of course, our nine year-old atomic treasure is here. Then it's square pants and ninja swords. Even the dogs cringe.;-)
Congratulations on a successful completion and for a month of great entertainment!

JEN Garrett said...

Ha ha, that zapper is power! We actually don't have a remote per se, so my hubby just asks one of his minions to get up and do it. :)

Thanks for visiting my blog and your kind words on it. :)

Karen O'Connor said...

Fortunately, my husband is great about handing over the remote if I want to watch something so we missed this classic battle. Congrats on finishing the challenge times two. I'm impressed. It was tough enough to get through with one blog.

@WeekendsinMaine
Weekends in Maine

River said...

I've only just found your blog and like your writing style, so of course now I'm going to have to skip all the way back and read forward.

Glynn Copywriting said...

Well done Pat, now put your feet up! I thoroughly enjoyed your A-Z, so thanks.

Helen Hollick said...

Grrr the Tv on when no one is sitting there watching it! Drives me nuts! Especially as I have failing sight - the times I've gone into our (somewhat shadowed 18th century) sitting room talking to my husband - not getting a reply. OK quite common, he IS going deaf - but only to discover he's not actually IN his armchair. The TV is playing merrily... to the ghosts, I assume.

As for zapping channels.... I've given up saying "but I can't SEE the 1 second flashed words..."

from @HelenHollick
Let Us Talk Of Many Things
Website
Like Me On Facebook

Helen Hollick said...

Grrr the Tv on when no one is sitting there watching it! Drives me nuts! Especially as I have failing sight - the times I've gone into our (somewhat shadowed 18th century) sitting room talking to my husband - not getting a reply. OK quite common, he IS going deaf - but only to discover he's not actually IN his armchair. The TV is playing merrily... to the ghosts, I assume.

As for zapping channels.... I've given up saying "but I can't SEE the 1 second flashed words..."

from @HelenHollick
Let Us Talk Of Many Things
Website
Like Me On Facebook

Rob Z Tobor said...

Thank you for commenting on reflections post of my little blog it was very kind of you. I usually fall asleep watching TV and I only do happy ever after stuff. We have three remotes here for different things and I just get confused by the lot at times.

I do hope you had a good A to Z .. . . . I note someone said you did the A to Z with two blogs. . . . me thinks hat is a bit mad.

Rob Z Tobor said...

sorry about missed words and spelling it has been a long day. . . although I do that even when I am not tired, but it is a good excuse